As they stumbled into town, just like sacred cows with visions of swastikas in their heads, they had plans for everyone. It was in the whites of their eyes.

Supergroove’s guitarist Ben Sciascia sheepishly dismisses Tim Stewart (trumpet) from Supergroove.

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Ben: “Through my vision statement, company values and internal brand culture, I’ll create innovative and passionate solutions”.

Supergroove's remaining frontman decides he’s more in love with his future wife than the band. He quits, the band dissolves and Ben becomes a full-time faggy designer.

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Queen Street is known by reputation all over the country, even by people who have never seen it. It is undeniably the jewel in Auckland’s crown.

Tim and Ben bump into each other on Queen Street and have an awkward conversation about music. They look at their feet a lot while talking to each other.

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Tim: “Remember that time when Holland’s ‘The Duke Of Decibels’ left us a little package before that gig?”
Ben: “Yeah, and that time we flew in a light plane during a storm from one massive european music festival to another?”

Tim & Ben routinely piss-off party goers with “Glory Days” stories and jokes you had to be there to understand. They laugh long and hard, just to make sure people know they used to be big once.

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“I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology. You tell me mistakes are part of being young, but that don't right the wrong that's been done.” - Ben 26:10. Reconnecting with good friends after a catastrophic fit of lameness helped bring Svelte into being.

Tim writes 10 songs and asks Ben if he will play guitar on a demo. Ben feels guilty for dismissing Tim from Supergroove so says “OK”.

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Johnny Pain: Kick-ass piano player, designer of the BFM logo and founder of Pains People. Check out some Pains People tracks here.

Tim recruits Johnny Pain (ex-Hallelujah Picassos), Ian Jones, Joe Lonie (ex-Supergroove) & Ben to record a 6 track EP. Johnny Pain kicks some serious piano ass.

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The textile mannequins who inherited Tim’s EP tilted their heads to one side and looked quizzical.

Tim’s record label is sold to a textile company so Tim shops the EP around. BMG and Mushroom hate it, but say "it just isn't right for us at this time". Tim, Ben and Johnny decide to form Svelte version 1.0.

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80 billion tons of Jar Jar Binks-related merchandise dumped.

Svelte v1.o dazzled and delighted like moonbeams in the night.

Svelte start playing small venues like Auckland’s Manifesto and Tabac. Lots of friends turn up and say they really like it. After one song, Tim's father yells "That's it, more like that Timmy!" Tim smiles and plays the rest of the set - which doesn't sound like "that".

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Scientists believe stupidity naturally occurs in idiots.

Svelte play a gig at Wellington’s Bar Bodega. Ben drops the keys to his godfather’s house down a drain - you just don’t see stupidity like that in real life. Tim laughs heartily but Ben realises he has to wake his godfather up to get back into the house.

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Cruise, Kidman Walk Through Lobby.

Svelte are also a band from San Francisco known as “The fag four”.

Ben notices “The Best Of Svelte” in a record shop and freaks out at Tim. Tim explains that members of Fur Patrol used to have a band called Svelte.

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Punishing people doesn’t have to be a mean spirited way of getting even, it can be quite pleasurable.

Tim decides to move to Sydney and Ben feels he is being punished for dismissing him from Supergroove. Svelte disbands - Ben & Johnny don’t talk again until Tim’s return.

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Dancing is not only a wonderful expression of sensual masculinity, it’s also great exercise.

Tim flies back to Auckland for a party and flaunts a taut, hot Sydney bod. Friends are left in no doubt as to the amount of dancing he’s been doing there.

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Ponsonby is a modest suburb in Auckland famous for friendly and humble people - In stark contrast to Sydney’s restaurant and cafe culture.

Tim writes more lyrical songs which Ben hears on a trip to Sydney. Tim decides he’s had enough of Sydney's great food, great weather and great gay lifestyle - he moves back to struggle-street, Ponsonby.

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Playing it cool has many benefits, not least of which is screwing wild animals.

Tim calls Ben to see if he’ll play on some demos or maybe record an album. Ben's glad Tim is back in town and looks forward to playing again, but he plays it cool saying “Sure, OK”.

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A graph plotting the use of sellotape over time.

Tim and Ben record a bunch of weird sounding tracks using flicked sellotape as drums. Tim was often hung-over during these recording sessions but Ben was high on life (and veggie juice).

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It seems like ‘Things’ are being dumped in favour of humans more and more these days. Intelligent ‘things’ such as robots recently formed a union to curb this modern trend.

After running out of sellotape, Tim bumps into an old family friend, Jamie Woolright. They discuss the possibility of Jamie playing drums for Svelte as Tim feels a human would do a better job than a roll of sellotape. Jamie says “Yeah alright”.

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Some believe Dave Weckl is an arbiter of bad taste. Thankfully, there are other famous drummers with last names starting with W - like Charlie Watts for example.

Jamie joins Tim and Ben and they form Svelte v2. Svelte start playing small venues like Auckland’s Odeon and The Dog’s Bollox. Lots of friends turn up and say they really like it.

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Don't go for good looks; they can be deceiving. Go for friends who make you smile because a smile can make a dark day seem bright.

Svelte record 3 demo tracks (hear a couple here) and lots of friends say "Wow is that really you guys?."

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Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. Don’t judge, we’re all god’s beach hotties.

Svelte do more gigs and play on National Radio (listen to the track Penitentiary here). Dragstrip from Wellington describe Svelte as “Middle of the road.” Another person tells Ben “It’s a bit bloody indulgent isn’t it mate?”

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Pop-Up Quiz Insulting.

If you’re looking for a hand out, some say you shouldn’t look your best. However, TV evangelists would completely disagree - God want’s everyone to be rich, just be yourself.

Svelte record a demo of their song “Oh My My” and submit it to NZOA for a new recording grant. They’re turned down and many experts tell Svelte they made the demo sound too good.

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The use of a misunderstanding resulting in a comedy of errors can attract many fans.

Svelte play with The Exponents. After the gig, Jordan remembers Tim & Ben from their time in Supergroove, but thinks Tim’s boyfriend is Tim and keeps calling Ben, Nick. Young punters think Svelte are the Exponents and the drummer for the Exponents says he's still playing in a crap band after all these years.

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